Its 12:30 and already today I have learned life lessons and felt some pain. This assignment could not have come at a better time. I do find that my God is an 'on-time' God, and so having said that, he was right on time (by way of happyblackwoman) with this assignment!
The Purpose of Today's Assignment:
1.To force you to own up to exactly what’s lacking right now in your life.
2. To give you encouragement to build on what’s already great about it.
Before I actually give you excerpts from my assignment (NO I'M NOT PUTTING MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE ON THE INTERNET) I think its important that you know something about me..and if by chance I am the only person reading my blog it is also important that I continually recognize this fact about myself.
In everyone elses life, I see the glass half full. In my life, I have a very serious problem with seeing the glass half empty all the time. So when I read the first purpose of todays assignment, I thought, "great-like I don't already know whats lacking in my life right now." From there I continued in my head to think of all the areas of improvement that I needed, self-evaluation is actually something that I do on a very frequent basis. Of the many thoughts that I had amongst them were, I need better control of my finances, better control of my relationships, better control of my health, better control of my work, just better control! All I could think about was
the quote I chose for my personal mantra in Day 1's challenge,
"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall
under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact
with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select
what I can read and eat and study. i can choose how I'm going to regard
unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or
opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to
others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts." ~Elizabeth GilbertA work sheet was made available that listed the different avenues of ones life, and the task was write what you love about that area and what you hate about it. I'll give you some examples of what is in my notebook.
Lifestyle: I love my free spirit, and ability to do what I want, pretty much when I want. I hate that any time I drink liquor I get a headache. Its a sign that I don't necessarily have control over that activity. I always have one too many drinks and while I don't drink everyday, or even every weekend this is becoming a problem that I need to nip in the bud completely or gain control.
Work: I love that I work for BP. I hate that its so hard for me to move up in my field. I FEEL like I'm not regarded as competition, just a very good worker who needs to put some time in. <--uhh I'm 26. Time has been given, I'm ready for change.
Education: Pretty Satisfied. LOL
Finances: I hateeeeeeeeee that I have spend like a mad woman. THe only thing I love is that I have a job.
Health: I hate that I can't cut out sweets and cheese. Its something that I have been wanting to do for sometime. But I love sweets and cheese so much that I can't give em' up! I do LOVE that in a year I lost 30 lbs. I am literally amazed everytime I look in the mirror. Amazed at myself for having the control to say no, to exercise, to be PATIENT with myself.
Relationships: I hate that its soo hard for me to get over people. I hate that I can not adapt to change and understand that change happens, that people are only in your life for seasons, and some for long periods of time. I hate that I am the girl that can't get over it. <--change that to was, cause I've gotten a HELL of a lot better.
Family: I love my family. I hate nothing at all about it except that my dad is dead. <--I hate that very much.
In my notebook, i used a lot of hates. However, my mantra is to help me control my thoughts, and I no longer what to think negatively, about anything. I love everything about the world. I love the fact that I can't get over people in and out my life for seasons, you know why? Because I love that I love hard. I love that I have the ability to love anyone, absolutely anyone. I love that I love my friends so much and that they love me. I love that I can see the good in anyone, even jerks. I love that I when I love the thought of losing people from my life makes me sick to my stomach, makes my breathing short, and makes me sad. Because that just means that I am LIVING. There is a compromise that I found from yes, Elizabeth Gilberts, Eat Pray Love that has helped me tremendously.
You know how I said I hate that I have become the girl that can't get over things? The old me, loved soo hard and was so heartbroken that people left my life that I acted mannish and just plain crazy. I thought that, them leaving meant I couldn't love them anymore. And I love to Love. So imagine how it made me feel knowing that I couldn't love them anymore. That was my mistake. Just because they are not an active part of my life does not mean that I can not love them, that I can not think of them, that I can not miss them. So now when I think,
"But I love them" I have a voice in my ear saying, "So love them" and when I think, "But I miss them" the voice replies saying, "So Miss them. Send them Love and Light everytime you think of them, then drop it"
Its very comforting knowing that I don't have to stop loving and praying for people who no longer have an active role in my life. Nothing is forever.
This excerpt from a movie helps explain my thoughts.
"Dear David, we haven't had any communication in a while and it's given me time I needed to think. Remember when you said that we should live with each other and be unhappy so we could be happy? Consider it as a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so much pouring myself into that offer trying to make it work. But a friend took me to the most amazing place the other day.It's called the Augusteum, Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. Then the Barbarians came and trashed it along with everything else. The great Octavian Augustus, the first true great Roman emperor, how could he imagine that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would one day be in ruins? It's one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. *Feels like a precious wound, like a heartbreak that you dont want to let go of because it hurts too bad. We all want things to stay the same, settle for living in misery because we are afraid of change and things crumbling to a mess. Then I looked around at this place in Rome (the Augusteum) at the chaos it's endured, the way it's been adapted, burnt, pilfered, and found a way to build itself a way up again and again and I was re-assured may be my life has not been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the only true mistake is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift, ruin IS the road to transformation. Even in this Eternal City, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for waves of endless transformation. Both of us deserve better than staying together because we're afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't."
Conclusion: My life is CRAZY but I know its all going to be ok. I'm becoming a better person by accepting what I cannot change, actively changing what I can no matter my fears, not settling for B.S., and recognizing what already is GREAT in my life, and building on that.
P R E T T Y W I T T Y N A E
Forgive the spelling errors, Im rushing.
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